Sans Viscero
by BeeJay98
Summary: When everything you know tells you to kill, how do you know when to stop? Is it when you can't wash the blood from your hands? When you can't hear over the sounds of their screams? Alas, the better question is, who out there would care enough to help you? (Rated M for some language and violence)


**This was just a little something I got to writing while trying desperately to figure out how I wanted to write the next chapter of Sentimental (if you haven't read it, please give it a look). This is kind of in a similar vein to The Mummy's Curse, kind of just a one-shot where I explore the intricacies of the champions. I love all these little relationships and their interactions, and I feel that this Jax and Xin connection should be explored further. So yeah, I haven't seen a story like this, so maybe I am the only one he saw it this way. Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

There was always something deeply beautiful about the way a nexus exploded, in Jax's opinion anyway. His lamppost was bloodied and bent, but no more than it was after every other battle he stepped into. Fight hard or die was the simple philosophy he executed in each of his games, and he would always use the word 'execute' intentionally. He had become a crowd favourite over his years of dedicated commitment to the Institute, partly because of his tendency to show off, but mainly because he was one of the strongest champions ever to grace the Rift, and one didn't get that title without bloodshed. Jax had long since lost count of the number of times he had killed his fellow champions, although he knew some of his opposition who did. Despite the Institute's desire to encourage peace, it was inevitably going to lead to competition. He still recalled those first few months after joining the Institute, before he lifted his trusty post, where none could stand before him. He had been slain, sure, but mostly through his own bravado and foresight, and never in a situation that wasn't worth it for his team. Things had changed, the competition had grown stronger, but few still compared to the formidable force that was the Grandmaster at Arms.

"You brute!" Fiora's thick accent was unmistakeable, and instantly put a smile on Jax's face. The two had been fairly even that game, for the three minutes. After that, an early gank from Gragas started an unprecedented snowball. Fiora died another five times in lane, and fifteen times overall, each one at the hand of Jax. He was fairly certain it was some kind of record. Jax turned around to face the frustrated Demacian.

"You were too aggressive once you were behind, you should have played safer."

"I'm not talking about that you bastard, I'm talking about the way you'd hunt across the whole map just to kill me. You could have finished the damn game, and still you sought me out. That's just pointless murder." Jax laughed, a deep throaty sound that would have been rather heart-warming under different circumstances.

"It's a game Fiora, I'm just putting on a show." She stormed up to him and slapped him, which with the amount of training she underwent, would have been quite painful for anyone else.

"You die that many times, feel your soul thrown around like that, and say it is just a game you sadistic creep." She spat in his face for good measure before making her way towards the portal that would take her from the rift. She had a slight limp and was breathing heavily, Jax imagined she may need some medical attention, but that wasn't really his concern.

The portal returned them to the primary portal room in the Institute, which was typically reserved for champions and high summoners, but today seemed to be filled with a crowd of younger, less well-known summoners screaming out one name; Jax. Most of them were female, desperately wanting to get a glimpse of the champion, but there were a large number of males among them, probably looking for the right to brag about having seen the Grandmaster himself. Jax loved it, from the googly eyed looks he got when he winked at them to the ear-splitting shrieks whenever he blew a kiss to someone in the crowd, not really bothering to see who it was, and after the performance he had today, he was in an entertaining mood. He went straight up to his adoring crowd, being held back by the poor officials who managed the portal room. Most were telling them how they weren't supposed to be here, but nobody was listening to them, so instead they were also physically forming a barrier between the summoners and their idol. Jax took his time greeting as many as he could, signing autographs when he could, before he offered one final, lengthy bow, making his way off towards his quarters. As he walked, he began taking off some of his layers. The purple cloak he wore on the fields was mostly for show, but beneath that he wore the plated armour most champions wore, hidden or otherwise. Once that was finally removed, he was waring what could be deemed normal clothes for him, although still somewhat out-dated and brutish. It looked somewhat like rough leather armour, but loosely fitted around the legs and shoulders so as to allow for more flexibility. No doubt it had been specially made for him, the way it hugged his toned chest but spared enough room for him to rotate was very hard to attain in any article of clothing otherwise.

One of the best perks about having such an adoring fan-base was the extra income he could get out of it. As he opened this door and stepped into his room, he smiled at the home he had built for himself. Although the Institute had offered him the room, and it was no different to any of the other rooms the champions would receive (they didn't want to seem as though they had favourites), it was certainly in it's own little league compared to the other's rooms. He had purchased some of the most expensive furniture from every corner of Valoran. Personally, he couldn't give a Twitch's ass about furniture and its history, but he knew money, and most of all he knew how to show it off. He had a couch hand woven by the greatest of Ionian stitchers, an electronic system custom built in Piltover, as well as a wine rack that was supposedly once used by Demacian royalty. It was currently housing multiple bottles of Champaign, each from a different region of Valoran. Walking into his bedroom, he threw his clothes onto his ancient Noxian bed, which the seller had been certain was stolen from some Noxian general in some past life, but to Jax it would always be known as 'the most expensive item I own'. Heading back into his living room, he threw himself onto his couch, sighing contentedly as he let himself slowly drift off to sleep. After the show he put on, he was sure he deserved it.

But somebody else had a different plan. A knock came at his door, raising Jax's interest. His only real friend at the Institute was Gragas, and he'd easily have started his drinking for the evening by now, so it wasn't likely to be him. His curiosity piqued, Jax went and opened the door, raising his eyebrow a little at the man on the other side of the door.

"Xin Zhao, what a pleasant surprise, what can I do for you?"

"I just came to congratulate you on yet another broken record, you must be very proud." Xin didn't wait for an invite and instead stepped straight past Jax and into the centre of the lavishly furnished room. He took in the room while spinning on the spot, offering a short whistle as he did.

"Quite a room you have here." Jax wasn't entirely sure what to do in this situation. He had played with and against Xin on a couple of occasions, although not too frequently now that he thought about it. They certainly weren't that close, but that wasn't to say they were enemies.

"Thanks I guess." Jax went over to his small bar fridge and pulled out two cold beers, throwing one to Xin who caught it and took the cap off as though it were second nature. Jax smiled and did the same with his, and soon the two were seated next to each other, enjoying a drink on Jax couch.

"Did you hear Fiora is in the hospital?" Jax laughed a little at this.

"She's what? She's such a wimp, how can you fight at the Institute if you are going to rush off to the hospital after every match!" Xin did not return the sentiment, narrowing his eyes at Jax.

"She had a heart attack on the way back to her room. She was lucky Kayle was with her or she might not have made it." This made Jax shut up, but he still felt little pity for the duellist.

"And what, you were sent here to lay blame? I have the right to fight and kill who I want in my matches, nobody can stop that."

"Nobody is blaming you, no wrong doing was technically committed. As far as the Institute is concerned, it was a freak accident." Xin sat forward, setting his beer down on the ornate coffee table in front of him.

"I am here however to offer you a warning, stop now while you can."

"Stop what; Winning, fighting? Last time I checked Xin, that was kind of what we were here to do."

"What you did to Fiora out there was not winning, and it sure as hell wasn't fighting. That was you hunting down someone you knew you could kill for the sheer thrill of it. A winner would have used the advantage to claim an early victory and spare them any further harm. A Fighter would have given his opposition a chance, and only picked a fight if there should have been one. All I saw out there was slaughter, cold-blooded and frenzied."

The silence that followed brought with it a tension so thick one would need a hatchet to cut through it. Jax was left a little shell-shocked by Xin's words, but more outraged. He had done nothing wrong, how dare Xin accuse him of such heinous actions. Xin was the first to speak however.

"Jax, I know what it's like…" Jax slammed his beer down on the table, illiciting a loud bang, probably leaving scratches over the expensive surface, not that Jax cared all that much about it in that moment.

"Oh really? You know what it's liked to be adored by thousands, no, millions? You know what it is like to step off the Rift every day and know that for every one champion you killed, champions who are willing to be killed might I add, you have given another hundred kids hope, another hundred warriors courage, another hundred farmers safety? You know nothing about what I do Xin, so don't even try."

"You think you are a hero? I look around here and all I see is that, for every champion you kill, you buy another piece of expensive furniture that you don't even appreciate the value off." He waved his hand at the scratch left across the coffee table.

"You are in it for the money and the glory, and I'm warning you, in time you will come to regret it." Jax scoffed, throwing his arms in gesture to his room.

"Regret this? I am living like a king! What would I possibly have to regret?" Xin leant back, sighing to himself and rubbing his eyes. Silence fell back over the room for a little, Jax waiting for Xin to respond.

"Did you ever hear of the Fleshing?" Jax found his curiosity once again being entertained. While his knowledge of history was certainly limited, the Fleshing was something every free-lance warrior heard about.

"Old Noxian fighting ring, prisoners of war would be forced to fight progressively more enemies. If I recall correctly, it was disbanded after a group of Demacian's invaded it, freeing the prisoners." Xin smiled a little at this.

"You know more than most. It wasn't just any Demacian however; King Jarvan II himself led the move against the Fleshing. Did you by chance hear of a gladiator called Viscero?" Xin Zhao's knowledge of the Fleshing was certainly of interest to Jax. How is it one of the Demacian's most celebrated champions knew so much about an illegal Noxian fighting ring? It wasn't his place to judge however, so he let the conversation run its course.

"I'm surprised more people haven't heard about him, he was supposed to be the greatest gladiator that ever fought in the Fleshing. Story was he vanquished three hundred opponents in his final fight." Xin scoffed, shaking his head.

"That's a lie. He was supposed to fight three hundred, it was expected to be his 'grand finale', but he never got to fight, the Demacians stopped it before he could."

"That's a pity." Xin turned his head and glared at Jax, who shrugged off the gesture nonchalantly.

"Sometimes it is nice to have some of these legends." Jax's response did little to lighten Xin's mood.

"How can you say something like that? Have you any idea how hard it is to live with yourself knowing you slaughtered hundreds of people simply because that was what you were supposed to do. He could have died, spared himself and the others from his blade, but instead he killed, and he kept killing." Xin stood, fury evident in his eyes.

"But want to know what the scariest thing was? He enjoyed it. He loved the glory, and there was a long time when he craved to go out and keep killing, hoping to attain that buzz which seemed to follow bloodshed. It wasn't until he had already slain more men than any other gladiator that the realisation began to take hold. He began to see the blood dripping from his fingers, the screams echoing in his ears. Their faces would come to him in his dreams, nay, nightmares. Grief and sorrow overtook him, and he spent every hour, waking and otherwise, wishing he could go back and spare some of the lives he had taken." Jax had slowly found himself leaning back further and further into the chair, as though Xin's words were physically pushing him backwards. Somewhere during his speech Xin had started to form tears as well, which finally confirmed what Jax had been beginning to suspect.

"You're Viscero?" Xin kicked the coffee table, knocking over the couple of beers.

"Never call me that! I have not been Viscero in a long time. The day Jarvan came, offered me freedom, a chance at redemption, Viscero was destroyed. I am Xin Zhao, and I have to live with the horrors of Viscero every day of my life, and it is through this that I swore nobody else would face the same fate as me. That's why I came here Jax, because I look at you, and I see so much of myself, the glory seeker, the brave warrior, as well as Viscero, and nobody deserves that fate." Xin looked away, tears now streaming down his face.

"Nobody." The final word was barely a whisper, but with it, Xin turned and exited the room, leaving a petrified Jax shaking in his own home, mind running circles around itself trying to figure out what had just happened, trying to comprehend the tortured being he had just witnessed. After a couple more hours of his body recovering, shock taking it's toll on his senses, his body conceded and he fell asleep.

Jax didn't participate in any games for the next three days, much to the surprise, and in some cases disappointment, of the summoners. When his name finally reappeared on the sheet for a match, everyone in the Institute knew in a matter of minutes. It was mostly Noxian versus Demacian, Jax being the only exception, apparently taking the top lane for the Noxian team. This wouldn't have been such a big deal if it weren't for the fact Draven was on his team as well, which meant the fan base would be double the size of either of their matches individually. Draven was very popular amongst the summoners, almost as much so as Jax. However, the talk was not on his teammates, but his opposition. The first name that stood out to Jax was Xin Zhao in the jungle for the Demacians, an encounter Jax wasn't sure he was prepared for. It wasn't until he overheard some summoners that he realised who his opposition was; Fiora, taking part in her first game back after 'injury'. How she had managed to recover from her hospitalisation in such a short time was beyond the Grandmaster at Arms, but he knew the game was set to be anything but pleasant. He stepped onto the portal with his allies, all of them instantly being taken to the red side of the map. They all rushed off to lane, save Draven and Jax, who had stayed behind, each for different reasons. Jax was still trying to prepare himself for the inevitable confrontations when Draven put a hand on his shoulder.

"May the best killer win." Draven added one of his trademark winks then rushed off to the bottom lane. Jax looked down at his hands, and for a moment he could have sworn they were blood red. He wasn't Xin Zhao, killing in the Institute wasn't the same as the Fleshing. But everything Xin had said, the glory, the guilt, it all seemed to be true as well. How was he supposed to cope?

Jax appeared in lane about a minute after the minions, Fiora already having pushed the minions up to the tower. She looked at him, her face emotionless, striking unimaginable guilt into Jax's heart.

"Fiora, I'm…"

"Don't you dare talk to me! Just play your damn game and let's get this over with." Overall, the first words went a lot better than Jax had expected. They began farming, and it became painfully evident early on that Fiora was in no condition to be fighting. Her sword arm was lowered sloppily, which would make any half-decent duellist cringe. Her mobility was greatly limited, and her lunges often left her in pain. When she lunged at Jax for a trade, she yelped in pain, almost tripping as she did so. Jax seized his opportunity, slamming his lamppost into Fiora's legs as she stumbled, causing her to fall face first onto the dirt. Jax instantly jumped on top of her, raising his lamppost for the kill, but stopping before swinging down. From the nearby river bushes, Xin watched the confrontation in interest. He knew he should try and help Fiora, but having seen her condition, it was painfully evident he could do nothing for her. That was until he saw Jax falter, the lamppost raised above his head, one simple swing from taking the duellist's life, then he realised maybe he had already done enough. Fiora was just lying there, out of breath and with tears streaming down her face.

"What are you waiting for? Just do it, kill me, just like you want to." Her words were so strained it was like she had struck Jax in the gut. He looked at her, and all he felt was guilt and pity. He couldn't bring himself to harm her, let alone kill her.

"No, I won't." Fiora laughed, coughing as a result while trying desperately not to cry out in pain as she did so.

"Now you grow a conscience? You hunted me like an animal, almost ending my life, and now you decide to stop. Little late to start caring don't you think?" Her words stung more than she had intended, Jax fighting back tears. Was this all that he had become? Was this how his colleagues saw him? Fiora had always been one of the only people at the institute who's prowess rivalled his own, and she thought him sadistic. How had he allowed himself to become such a monster? He shook his head, steeling his resolve. He was Jax, the Grandmaster at Arms. He swung his lamppost.

There was a loud thud as the post collided with the ground a few feet from where Jax was standing above Fiora. With little regard for Fiora's vulnerable disposition, Jax leant over and picked her up bridal style, making his way through the enemy's jungle towards their nexus. Fiora tried to protest, but was too weak to put up any fight, and besides, Jax was helping her. As strange as it was to admit, Jax was being genuinely kind to her, something very few champions were.

"What are you doing?" Fiora struggled out the sentence as Jax struggled with her weight added to that of his own armour.

"I'm proving who I am. I am the greatest killer Valoran has ever seen, but I swear to you right here, right now, I will become the greatest fighter instead, starting right now. I am Jax." The look in his eyes told Fiora there was so much more to his somewhat confusing words, and he seemed to be muttering something else under his breath, words that she could not make out in her weakened state. Xin however knew exactly what he was saying, and smiled to himself.

"I am no Viscero." He mimicked from his vantage point. Once Jax reached the blue base, he quickly realised that Fiora would have to walk the rest of the way, which given her current state seemed like an impossibility, unless…

Jax screamed in pain as the blue turret shot at him, a burning sensation travelling up his entire spine. Fiora was roused by his scream and, seeing what was happening, felt adrenaline rush through her body as she tried to stop Jax from tanking the turret. She tried to grasp his arm to drop her, but it wouldn't budge, determination locking his body in place as he purposefully stepped under the turret. He emerged on the other side barely breathing, but alive, with Fiora still in his arms. He took a moment to catch his breath, Fiora desperately trying to get his attention, but it was as though he had zoned out everything else at that moment. He continued walking, carrying Fiora towards her portal, stopping with his toes barely touching the edge of their fountain. Jax was acting like a crazy person, and Fiora couldn't seem to do anything to get his attention. As much as she had said she hated him, and to be perfectly honest she did, what he was doing right now was outright the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her, even if it was sheer craziness. With the last of her strength, she managed to wrap an arm around Jax's neck and pull herself up so her voice could be heard next to his ear.

"Jax, you have already proven yourself, just stop, you're scaring me." Jax smiled at this, his eyes still crazed and distant.

"I am not a monster Fiora, but I have been. Consider this my purgatory." He stepped onto the fountain, and instantly he felt his body begin to complain. His legs refused to work, his head screaming at the intense pain that was travelling through his body. There was a reason the enemy fountain killed somebody so quickly, because nobody could stand the pain it subjected them to. But by some miracle Jax kept his feet, and he took another step towards the portal. He couldn't feel his lower body by now, relying on sheer willpower to keep him on his feet. Fiora was saying his name, trying to get him to stop, tears faintly evident in her eyes. Jax took another step. This time his fingers went numb, and he could no longer feel Fiora in his arms. But in spite of all this, Jax continued to put one foot in front of the other, eventually reaching the middle of the portal. Fiora, knowing only she could activate this portal, desperately fought to remain conscious as she whispered out the words that would take them home. She barely finished the sentence before she passed out, a blinding pain coursing through her chest. Jax was awake long enough to see the Rift disappear before he joined his colleague in unconsciousness.

When Jax finally came to, he realised he was in a hospital bed. His senses slowly returned to him, allowing him to feel the soft sheets, while the bright lights and repetitive beeping of monitors oppressed his other senses. As his eyes adjusted he looked around, astonished to find himself in emergency recovery. What exactly happened? The last thing he remembered he had been in a game, fighting against… Jax instantly sat bolt upright, his body being sure to punish him for his brashness. He yelped as his body forced him back down. Laughter filled his ears.

"Well, if anyone thought you were a heartless killer, they certainly don't think that now." Xin was sitting back in a chair near the window, armour-less, with his hair tied back and his eyes looking out one of the windows. The Institute's hospital wing was located rather high up, above majority of the living quarters, resulting in spectacular views out over the surrounding villages and gardens. Jax wished he could see the view right now, it was one of the few things he liked about the hospital, but the sunlight coming in was still far too bright for his sensitive eyes to be able to see anything else out the window. Seeing Jax contort his face, Xin lowered the blinds, and instantly Jax felt his facial muscles relax at the dimmer atmosphere.

"Where's Fiora?" Xin stood up and, walking over to Xin's side, pulled back one of the separating sheets, revealing the sleeping figure of the duellist. She looked so peaceful as she slept, as though all that pain Jax had seen the other day had vanished.

"You realise everyone thinks you two are an item now?" Jax laughed at this, his body once again punishing him as his stomach muscles contracted.

"I don't even know what came over me. I just, I needed to…" Xin put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Do you know what I did when we were escaping the Fleshing." Jax shook his head.

"I felt so much guilt about what I had done, and Jarvan saving me finally gave me something I could strive for. I swore to protect him in that moment. I took a poison dart meant for him as we retreated." Xin lifted his shirt to reveal a horrible patch of scarred skin.

"Most of the poison was lost to my armour, but some inevitably got through. This is now my reminder of what I fight for, a reminder that I don't need Viscero to find purpose." Xin then leant over and lifted Jax's hospital shirt, revealing a horrible scar running all the way along his chest.

"And I'd say this is your reminder." Jax couldn't help but stare at the scar for a few moments. In all his years of fighting, he had never had a scar of such magnitude. It looked like a sword had cut him straight across the chest.

"Is this what the fountain did to me?" Xin laughed at this.

"No, the fountain's pain is purely mental. That scar there is what happens when you carry a duellist and don't check where her sword is." Even Jax had to smile at his error, the two warriors sharing a laugh at their own misfortunes. Eventually they stopped and silence fell again.

"I owe you a debt Xin." Xin met Jax's eyes, a smile spread wide across his face.

"You owe me nothing Jax, I'm just glad I was able to spare somebody else my fate." Xin again put a hand on Jax's shoulder, the two sharing a moment of deep connection before Xin made his way towards the door. Jax felt a little disheartened at his leaving.

"You going already?"

"I'm afraid I have a match, besides, there is somebody else you had better talk to." With that Xin exited the room, leaving Jax lying on his bed. There was a long silence in the room, and Jax could feel his body slowly slipping back to sleep.

"You are an idiot." Fiora's voice made Jax jump, his semi-sleeping state not prepared for another person. Rolling over, he found himself looking into a pair of the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen. Despite her comment, Fiora was smiling, and soon Jax found himself smiling too.

"Sorry then, next time I'll leave you on the floor." Fiora giggled a little at this.

"I didn't mean it as an insult. I went out there when I should have still been resting, I'm a far bigger idiot than you are. At least when you do something incredibly stupid somebody benefits out of it." The look Fiora gave Jax after this filled his body with no small degree of satisfaction. All the admiring fans he had accumulated over the years would never be able to do anything that made him feel better than he did in that moment, being with the women he had helped save, and in doing so had saved him in return, at least in some abstract manner. He held out his hand, and Fiora took it in her own, the two staying like that for some time before Jax felt himself drifting off to sleep, feeling as though he had finally found himself.

 **I am determined to finish of the bit of Sentimental I am working on, but may post another little one-shot like this in the mean time. I have been awfully busy, and with Christmas just around the corner I don't see that changing much. Hopefully after that I will have some more time. Thanks for taking the time to give this a read!**

 **BJ**


End file.
